Reliable sources in the White house have revealed that the newly elected leader of the free world on Monday morning let out a fart while addressing the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the oval office. The incident is said to have occurred mid-morning during an emergency meeting called by the US head of state to address pressing issues of national security after it emerged that North Korea had conducted a test fire of ballistic missiles.
Liberals and some celebrities were quick to denounce Trump’s act of breaking wind calling it a total disregard for common courtesy and an insult to the joint chiefs and the proud American people as a whole. However, vice president Mike Pence who was present at the time of the incident denied any malicious intent by Trump shifting the blame instead to the tacos the president had had for his mid-morning snack, which he said had been prepared by a new chef from Mexico. “He’s an old man for crying out loud. At seventy his digestive system isn’t what it used to be; the whole damn thing was just an accident!” barked Pence before storming off.
One joint chief who spoke on condition of anonymity described the infamous fart as a magnitude 7.0 on the Rectum scale. “It sounded like drum rolls before a big announcement,” he intimated, “so I unknowingly expected him to declare war on North Korea or something but instead I was hit by the foul smell of half digested tacos and last night’s lobster with ammonia and sulphur! If we had to respond to North Korea, that fart would have been the ideal WMD” Some rap stars and overly sentimental members of the public argue that this is one more reason why Trump is dangerous to the US and the world at large, blaming his farts for global warming and the vanishing polar ice cap, but all this is utter bollocks according to Samuel Dubs, an expert in farts at Cambridge University who has published several globally recognized papers on the subject. Dubs insists Trump’s fart was perfectly within normal bounds and was of absolutely no threat to anyone or anything. “What’s wrong with these people? The world’s been warming up since before Trump, are they going to blame him for Brexit next?”