In a rather unexpected twist of events, a bottle of Nile Special has come out to say it’s afraid for its own life. Strange indeed but true, the 500ml-capacity piece of glass wear was trembling in fear as it intimated to reporters his woes which started just over a month ago. According to this unfortunate bottle, the troubles began with a simple Facebook post; a certain gentleman took a photo with his homies whilst holding him (the bottle) in one hand and flashing a peace sign with the other. The guy then posted the pic on Facebook attracting many pleasant comments and likes from friends. “It was all smiles until one of the guy’s friends, a born again Christian I suspect, dropped the bombshell,” narrates the frightened bottle, “he commented, and I quote, ’I wish I were around that night so I would counter that bottle with my Bible.’ This was uncalled for aggression if you ask me. What did I ever do to that guy? And there he was waging war on me for no reason. For sure no one is safe from social media”

The bottle is currently in hiding, and has refused to return to the Nile Special depot or factory fearing that the mulokole guy might try to end his existence should he attempt to step out, plus he would be endangering other bottles in transit. He has now come to terms with his fate, a life of solitude and pure misery, though he still holds on to memories of better times. “I get a bit nostalgic when I think of the good old days. There’s this one time some guy in Kisaasi swallowed my contents along with that of ten buddies of mine and began jazzing about a ‘full full condition’, that was even my first time on TV.”  Surprisingly though, the bottle holds no hard feelings towards the savedee (and others like him) who threatened his life. Instead he feels pity for the fanatic son of Adam and hopes that someday he will see the truth that Nile bottles just like everyone else are simply doing their job which is to carry the good stuff. “I’ve taken all sorts of insults from balokole, most notably that I carry Satan’s urine. Other people blame me for domestic violence, road accidents, drone attacks, rape, and broken promises, name it! It’s all really funny because I thought you humans had minds of your own.”

This bottle’s plight is one of many similar others that numerous inanimate objects are facing worldwide, being blamed for the mistakes and inadequacies of humans let alone experiencing the malice of social media. Many other bottles who prefer anonymity voiced concern for their safety and the need for their rights to be considered alongside animal rights, LGBT and other human concerns.

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